Going into Christmas, we have a good idea of who the likely promotion and relegation teams will be. Division Three, however, lays bare such pontificating.

Last season was a five-horse race right up to the tense, final evening. This season’s two promotion berths are, somewhat incredibly, still open to nine of the eleven teams – a mere six points separating them.

The crucial question in weighing up the prospective candidates is: Do we have a team strongly anchored by one individual or are there solid performers across the board?

I don’t believe it is possible to get out of a division with just one star player and for that reason I am writing off Hilton ‘J’ / John Barker and Lostock / John Nuttall. Apologies!

My money has to go on Hilton ‘I’ (Brian Hall, Graham Wilson, Rovimil Dato) provided Dato continues to play and Farnworth Social Club ‘B’ (Carl Bennett, John Rothwell, John Ainley) on the condition that Rothwell plays to the level I know he is capable of.

Dark horse, Heaton ‘D’ (David Bevitt, Greeny Greenhalgh, Melvyn Brooks, John Hilton) can get in amongst it only if Brooks stays off the Raki and avoids jetlag.

Boyzone (Jeremy Grimwood, Matthew Brown) remain one player short of consolidating their place in Division Three and so will have to endure another miserable season in Four, and Irlam Steel (David Yates, Matt Hood, Neville Singh) look to have finally bowed to relegation following a mediocre season from Yates, their usual saviour.

The Premier Division is dominated once more by Flixton and Ramsbottom ‘A’. One gets the impression that the form of Ram’s no.3, Andrew Jackson will be pivotal in trying to win back this hallowed title from bitter rivals, Flixton.

The likely fallers in the top flight are Ramsbottom ‘C’, unless Thomas Ryan can inspire his teammates and Burning Desire with their deep and ragged squad.

Division One is a slightly clouded picture in the scrap for 2^nd place after the undefeated Coburg (Derek Watmough, Robert Bent, James Hewitt). Hilton ‘B’, ‘C’ and ‘D’ along with Heaton ‘A’ continue to show desire in an effort to play with the Premier giants in 2014/15. Heaton’s Ward brothers – Matthew (working abroad), Paul (broken toe) – should clear the way for Hilton ’B’ or ‘D’.

Division Two – Hilton ‘E’ and ‘F’ are both vying with Little Lever ‘C’ for the top spots. At the other end, it is a dogfight between Bolton University ‘B’, Harper Brass ‘A’ and Ladybridge ‘B’ (John Birchall’s return timely).

Division Four – Harper Brass ‘B’ all the way.

George Yates Trophy: Hilton ‘G’ 359 Heaton ‘E’ 399.5

A curious crowd converges on the Hilton Table Tennis Centre for this clash between 8th placed Division Two side, Hilton and 4th placed Division Three side, Heaton.

This is television to whisker-faced Dave Parker, worth more than the bus fare to Barry Walsh and a chance for Steve Hunt to glimpse numerous rivals.

Entering the green-curtained den are Heaton’s no-nonsense crew: Dave Jones Jnr – affable but deadly; Phil Beales – self-deprecating cruise ship king; Dave Jones Snr – 71-years-old yet with the footwork of a ballerina.

The handicap of 72.5 looks generous to a team of this standard – the equivalent of two points per game – but then I have only previously witnessed Alan Bradshaw from the Hilton camp. Gary Hilton and Tony Eardley remain a mystery.

It is Bradshaw versus Beales first – the tallest players here. Both have experience in abundance. Both are rangy and lethal when an opportunity presents itself. 8-11: a stumbling start for Bradshaw – timing off a little, a tap of his gold watch signalling the need to improve.

Up in the clouds where these fellas gaze at the 9 feet by 5 feet table with its intersecting 6 inch net, play must seem slower, the opponent slightly mechanical at times. Bradshaw, snapped reverse-lollypop backhands when on fire, when in his element, manages to salvage the second set (13-11) – find his way back to earth.

Two 11-9s follow – the traditional four-set cup match showcasing Beales’s impressive rolling forehands and cross-table backhands but ultimately bowing to the Bradshaw combinations.

Gary Hilton next – bright eyes, a tiny Mohican forged by his receding hairline. He is up against Jones Snr, Phoenix Knights of Harmony barbershop singer. It appears grim for the ‘A cappella’ maestro: 6-11 and 0-5 down in the second.

A quitter he is not though. An intense expression hammers across his face like a rivet on a high-rise development. Early backhand top spins level matters for Jones Snr (11-9). Hilton fights back – timely forehands picking out the corners (9-11) – but it’s the Phoenix man with his patient strokes who grabs the fourth (12-10).

Eardley now – momentarily tucked up in bob hat, glasses and large-collared coat. If there was a table tennis hell, he would be there chopping a burning ball back at you. He has a tough, ugly game but also a sixth sense. Jones Jnr contains him (9-11, 12-10, 6-11, 11-7) and is immense on the night.

Division Four: Harper Brass ‘C’ 4 Meadow Ben ‘C’ 5

The fifth tier in the Bolton Table Tennis League is hotting up – starting to take shape. Meadow Ben – in pole position – arrive at Harper Brass’s blossoming Mecca like VIPs in a Vegas restaurant: Alan Weall, their 75% man – a cross between the Dalai Lama and Bobby Charlton; Alan Hibbert, 74-years-old yet still formidable; John Parker, tall, well-spoken – a hint of Julian Assange about him.

Meadow have a healthy 66% win record between them this season compared to Harper’s still respectable 60%. Such statistics often crumble within minutes though – fall foul of the ‘contrasting styles’ philosophy.

Faizan Bhura, Harper’s 19-year-old wonderkid, kick-starts the evening. He is up against Weall who has removed his red fleece (Lama-like robe) and now stands in Lonsdale pants and Dunlop Green Flash ready to trade shots.

9-11. Bhura worryingly throws away a 6-2 lead in the first. Frustration rarely toys with his mind, however. He looks unnerved – his focus immediately shifting to set two. 11-7. Much better from him – steady rallies and such an easy style. 11-9. Bhura nicks the third; Weall puffing slightly – hand on his left thigh.

Weall, I notice, has an extremely elegant serve. Fingers outstretched, the ball flat on his palm, he releases the white, 40mm celluloid like a magician would a dove. Bhura lets him back in: 5-11. The enjoyment on Weall’s face is marvellous to see. He is still fighting the young, still weaving around, until…Bhura changes gear. Great lift from the Harper teenager clinches the win: 11-4.

Kaushik Makwana now – a mercurial player if ever there was one; sometimes brilliant, often egregious. His opponent, Hibbert – white hair, understated threat – laps up the generous Makwana high balls: 11-3. We immediately witness the changing fortunes and probability-busting fate of the Harper secretary though: Hibbert succumbing to vicious Makwana backhands (4-11) in the second and conceding a 9-8 lead in the third (10-12).

Stamina is the thing with Makwana – often his brutal slayer – but luck is with him this time: 8-11, 13-11.

Enter Haroon Khan. He has referred to each of the opposition tonight as ‘John’ as if in an unfamiliar pub addressing various barmen. Parker doesn’t mind because that is his name, but the scoreline suggests otherwise: 11-5, 11-3, 11-6.

A 4-1 lead courtesy of Makwana and Bhura duffing up Weall and Parker looks ominous for Meadow. Cue comeback (4-4) and Hibbert, the white knight felling Bhura.

Division One: Bolton University ‘A’ 1-8 Hilton ‘B’

A can of Dr Pepper lingered on the umpire’s table tonight. Had it been a doctor of medicine or psychology – as opposed to carbonated cola – then we might well have had a different outcome.

As it was, Bolton University’s Graham Clayborough, Sam Evans and Kirit Chauhan fell away in the second half of this eagerly sought encounter; their belief shot through a little, their Division Two skills from last season not quite making the grade in this higher league.

Hilton, their opponents, are a curious proposition: Dave Scowcroft, the northern mauler; Eddie Simon, something regal and chic about him; Alan Ingerson, southpaw maestro when his energy levels allow.

Clayborough opened Bolton University’s account with a cagey, yet decisive 3-2 win over Simon (7-11, 11-5, 11-9, 9-11, 11-5) but any thoughts of it being a harbinger of success were painfully dashed.

Evans, Aztec shorts, black top and Stiga trainers certainly looked the part and his loose grip of the bat had the wondrous effect of arching the ball from his favoured left-side of the table at times.

Against Scowcroft though, the man staring him down, things are never simple. With only one straight-sets loss so far this season (versus Bethany Farnworth), Scowcroft – even on a relatively off-night – displays the bounce and vigour of a young greyhound. There is a conspicuous upping of the tempo when he comes to the table. If he was on a sinking ship, you sense that he’d be first to the lifeboat – circumventing the “women and children first” protocol.

An 11-7 and 11-2 start for Scowcroft suggested this match was going with form until Evans’ deep, ripping forehands and fine-length loops unsettled the Hilton man (11-13, 8-11). The story had to inevitably end with a Scowcroft win, however – his trusted backhand dispatching Evans in the final set 11-6.

Ingerson followed this up with an equally shaky performance in what was billed the ‘Little and Large Show’ – Chauhan giving up one foot in height. 11-2. 5-11. 11-13. 11-7. The Hilton giant appears, at times, too dependent on his cranking top spin, but then the bewitching blocks mix up his game and he somehow ends with a smile (11-7); the weary, mopping of his face before the 4th managing to galvanize him.

The climax was a subdued, yet rich victory for Hilton: Evans 1-3 Simon, Graham 0-3 Ingerson, Chauhan 0-3 Scowcroft, Evans 0-3 Ingerson, Clayborough 0-3 Scowcroft, Chauhan 0-3 Simon.

Division Two: Meadow Ben ‘B’ 8 – 1 Harper Brass ‘A’

The road sign ‘Elderly people crossing’ I now realise is not just a polite request to slow down, but a taunting, mocking generational laugh aimed at the young. The post-60 brigades wish to draw you in, have you think that they are decrepit and foolish, when in fact their strength, power and alertness are quite astonishing.

Meadow’s Mike Audsley, Jim Bollard and Ian Wheeldon are a case in point. Sure, they play on questionable home turf where the ball travels faster and the table appears shorter, but their collective ages belie the doom mongers. They may dodder, yet once ‘in the zone’ they are transformed into gladiators.

We have travelled here tonight – Dave Brookes, Ray Isherwood and I – into the unknown. Meadow is a curious mix of the dominant (Audsley – 82% win percentage in 2012/13), the unpredictable (Bollard – 54%) and the steady (Wheeldon – 31%). Looking at their play versus Dave Brookes – who needs to shoot off early – I think I see those very numbers tattooed to their bats.

Bollard is aggressive, direct and has sufficient spin on his serve to weed out Division Two impostors. Brookes, lover of rallies, grinder of the opposition, unfortunately goes long with numerous smashes. It is Bollard’s: 11-5, 11-6, 8-11, 11-5.

Audsley next for the Bolton joiner. 7-11, 11-9, 6-11. Brookes is frustrating him. Audsley is a little rusty but reluctant to de-couple his pure game. The old technique surfaces just in time: 12-10, 11-7.

One more chance for Brookes, otherwise it’ll be a contemplative drive to Preston to pick up his son. It is tight, but Wheeldon takes him in straight sets: 12-10, 11-6, 15-13.

It is my turn now. Ray has yet to arrive, so it’ll be consecutive matches. Not ideal – too much sweat. I take the first set off Audsley (7-11) but then the old lion tears into me: 11-4, 12-10, 11-7.

My next opponent is Bollard. He talks too much – describes each point. You feel like gagging him, throwing him in a cellar. If he wasn’t so worthy of his place on the table tennis circuit, you probably would. Too much for me: 11-5, 11-3, 10-12, 11-8.

Wheeldon cuts me down (11-7, 10-12, 11-2, 11-7) and the already torturous evening gets worse.

Isherwood finally arrives, panting like a bloodhound. Some of the old magic – please! Bollard 3-0 Isherwood.  Audsley 3-0 Isherwood. Wheeldon 2-3 Isherwood. Whitewash avoided!

Division Two: Ladybridge ‘B’  2 – 7  Ramsbottom ‘D’

Ladybridge Community Centre: kids’ plastic chairs – red, blue, green – are stacked in the corner. The place doubles as a nursery and one gets the sense of an invisible, miniature crowd.

I notice the table, a Tibhar Smash 28/R – named after its founder Tibor Harangozo. It is of good quality. No problem there.

Home player, John Cole is first out against Ramsbottom’s precocious 15-year-old, Dominic Siddall. Nerves often blight Siddall’s early play. I witnessed his first two sets of the season and he went from stuttering Lada to revved-up Subaru.

It is a similar story now. Cole – wiry, glasses, red top – hits him out of the initial set courtesy of his deep, wrist-accentuated forehands (11-4). The second set also goes his way (11-9); his ability in keeping the ball in-play quite unparalleled.

But then the Subaru fires up. Siddall shows incredible maturity in the third, retaining faith in his forehand top spins and examining – really examining – the approaching ball. 11-8.

Cole seems to speed up – lose a little focus. 11-7 to Siddall and we’re now into the fifth; the sodden prison sentence which no player enjoys.

A lovely rally: short, long, long. Siddall takes the lead (5-2) but then loses the next six points (5-8). It is perilous. 57-year-old Cole – instinctive returns when faced with smashes – is somehow in front.

It appears to be man versus boy until…more resistance from Siddall – the streak of his orange, grey, black and white top haunting his opponent (10-9). Cole serves long. Siddall bridges the 42 years of nous and wisdom (11-9).

No such pain for Rambottom’s Timothy Fields versus Ladybridge’s Andrew Scully. He is in a hurry; occasionally to his detriment, but not tonight. 11-4. 11-8. 11-8.

The hand drier starts up in the gents. Seconds later, Ram’s no.3, David Cain makes his entrance. I am not expecting much. He has been out of the game for twelve years bar a few matches.

Brian Greenhalgh, quiet authority, stands opposite – uncanny resemblance to Paddington Bear’s Mr Brown underneath the six strip lights which give this place its glow.

3-2 down, Cain seems shattered already. The perspiration glistens. He is a grafter though, albeit with anti-rubbers: 11-8, 11-6, 4-11, 11-4.

The absence of John Birchall is a big miss for Ladybridge. More pain (Scully 0-3 Siddall, Cole 0-3 Cain, Greenhalgh 0-3 Fields) before salvaging some pride: Scully 3-2 Cain, Greenhalgh 3-0 Siddall, Cole 2-3 Fields.