Premier Division (final week 11^th vs 5^th & 12^th vs 10th): Ladybridge ‘A’ 9 Radcliffe 0; Ramsbottom ‘C’ 1 Burning Desire 8

‘What are your thoughts on table tennis teams fielding severely weakened sides on the last match of the season?’ I asked with no undue bias or specifics. The question was purposely texted to players outside the Premier Division with no obvious connections to the events that unfolded on Monday, 4^th April. Continue reading Disquiet over Big Club Radcliffe ‘Saving’ Minnows Ladybridge from Relegation →

Division Two: Harper Brass ‘B’ 1 Meadow Ben ‘A’ 8

If Meadow Ben’s Dave Holden does not turn you over in a legitimate manner, there is the distinct possibility that he might strangle you with his gargantuan hands and forge the scorecard.

His wedding ring alone resembles a section of copper pipe and his tumbling hair – which has the habit of falling into a centre parting – has that look of severe graft about it.

He is a big fella. And whilst the table tennis hall does not exactly shake upon him taking his position in front of the five feet wide Cornilleau table, Richter-like rumbles are heard once he begins to throw himself around.

Decked out in black Joola top and shorts with Puma socks and Stiga trainers, Holden is either a sponsor’s dream or the man sat in reception each day eyeing up a potential deal. The stats are there to warrant maybe a minuscule business association (2012/13 50% Div1, 2013/14 67% Div1, 2014/15 70% Div2), but what is particularly noticeable is Holden’s low attendance on the Bolton circuit.

Not over-extending himself – generally making seven match-night appearances each season – he does what many do by juggling larger Bury commitments across the border. The Carlton Club, former Nomads’ and now Meadow Ben player exudes a rare confidence no matter which region he is performing in. Of redoubtable stock, Holden stalks his opponents as if auditioning for David Attenborough’s The Hunt.

This was a strange evening in that Harper’s no.1, Dave Jones was away in Geneva and no.3, Dave Brookes not picking up and so an experimental three was hastily assembled: Roger Bertrand vacuumed out of retirement; Jim Bolton making his expectant debut; Jeff Weston attempting to correct a torrid season.

The reality, however, in league terms was 10^th versus 2^nd; Division Two newbies against adroit ‘members of the bar’. Meadow’s tall, Kangol-wearing Peter Cooper was mauled a little – losing to Bertrand 15-13, 9-11, 11-9, 7-11, 8-11 and scraping through against Bolton and Weston (each in four games) – but otherwise the night went with the form book; James Bollard, in particular – tattoos beaming from his forearms – making a statement via his three short wins.

Jim Bolton, Harper’s secret weapon from Wigan, battled with the perspicacity of a foreign spy but the shot variation of Holden and muscle of Bollard proved too much. Even for Bolton’s lucky ‘Sunday roast’ socks.

Division Two: Heaton ‘C’ 7 Harper Brass ‘B’ 2

Not reported in the wider press over the summer was the transfer of John Henry Scowcroft from Heaton ‘B’ to ‘Heaton ‘C’. Although seen in many quarters as a final acknowledgement that his 79-year-old body could no longer handle the rigours of life in Division One, the real story was somewhat different.

The largest clubs – Hilton, Heaton and Harper Brass – during the close season rejigged their teams and went from a combined 22 league teams (out of 60) to a lower figure of 20 (out of 59). Now representing 33.9% of the entire league these behemoths have had to cope with an economic downturn, injuries and in the case of Harper, a small mutiny.

Three key figures emerge from this – club functionaries in charge of combing through the squads and holding at least one annual meeting. Brian Young of Hilton, Paul Mort of Heaton and Kaushik Makwana of Harper Brass are effectively the dons of the Bolton table tennis scene. It is ‘Morty’ though who is central to this story.

When Johnny Scowcroft did not get the usual call before the start of the 2015/16 season, he began to wonder where his white and blue Stiga trainers would be squeaking come September. A familiar face on the circuit, Scowcroft – his barrel frame always decked out in green, Mizuno polo shirt and blue ‘velvet’ shorts – is not one to opt for muesli and rocking chair. His stats indicate a 4-5% decline each season, yet he is ever capable.

Behind the scenes Morty was talking to Division Three promoted captain, Mark Greenhalgh and it was this together with a hip injury to relegated Division One fellow, Bill Fairhurst that led to the cull of one team. A natural joining of players in Two was considered (to the detriment of sacrificial lamb, Greenhalgh) the best, but controversial way forward.

“Morty and myself had the conversation in late August. I knew Scowcroft was what we needed,” Greenhalgh generously conceded.

And so Scowcroft was unleashed in Division Two for the first time since 2012/13. His win percentage before this match was 83.33%. A satisfactory evening against my Harper strugglers only slightly dampened that: Versus Jeff Weston 8-11,11-8,12-10,11-8; versus Matthew Brown 6-11,11-9,11-3,11-9; but defeat to Dave Jones 6-11,7-11,8-11.

The consensus is: You cannot train someone up to be Johnny Scowcroft. He is unique and probably fell from the sky in a pod.

@jeffweston1970